As you begin to slow down to the speed of life, you'll be able to roll with the punches while at the same time acting appropriately to the moment at hand. The issues of parenting will appear different, easier. Let's consider why it is important to slow down.

1.   You Become Habitually Reactive Instead Of Responsive

When your mind is operating at too quick a pace or when you are taking your own thoughts too seriously, the slightest deviation from your plans or the smallest obstacle can seem like a major catastrophe. Rather than responding appropriately, in the moment, you quickly blow things out of proportion, feeling agitated and annoyed.

Consider this: If a visiting friend spilled a glass of juice on the kitchen table, you'd probably respond by saying, 'Don't worry about it. We'll just clean it up. Would you like another glass?" But if your child did the exact same thing, you may react quite differently: 'How can you keep spilling juice all over the floors. That's the third time you've done that this week!"

  A responsive mind takes things as they come. A spilled glass of juice is just that: a spilled glass of juice, nothing more, nothing less. To be an effective parent, you need to maintain your bearing and be able to respond to each challenge as it arises without the distraction of a reactive mind.

When your mind is spinning a mile a minute, you will have myopic vision, focusing only on how behavior is affecting you. A thought like "Gee, I wish the kids wouldn't fight so much" quickly becomes "My kids are always fighting. What's wrong with them?" One thought leads to another and then another, until the stress of parenting seems too much to handle. You lose perspective. If your teenager wants privacy and your mind is moving too fast, it may be difficult to keep your perspective, as you will have a tendency to read into the situation. You may react with thoughts like, "Why does he hate me?" or  "What have I done wrong?"

When you operate at the speed of life and your child desire privacy, you'll probably remember that almost all teenagers go through phases of wanting space from their parents. You probably did too at that age. Rather than take it personally, you'll be able to see the bigger picture.

3. Little Events Become Front-Page News

 When your thinking is speeded up, little things can easily become front-page news. For example, your child may say something you don't approve of - "I hate school." Rather than take it in stride, you'll embellish the statement into something even bigger. "What do you mean, you hate school? Learning is important. What's the matter with you?" Your child's little statement, probably made in a low mood, becomes headline material in your mind. Rather than hearing "I hate school" and leaving it at that, you turn it into important news, "Child Hates School." The solution is to slow down your thinking and remember that you are the thinker who is blowing this event out of proportion.

4. You Miss The Good Times 

We've seen parents miss their child's first steps because they were busy taking pictures, only the camera wasn't working, and we've seen parents miss much of their only daughter's wedding doing the very same thing with a video camera. There is a common belief that we'll took at the pictures later, and then we'll really enjoy the event. Meanwhile, it's all happening right here, right now. 

5. You Lose Sight Or Your Compassion 

Each age has its unique challenges, and each age has its own set of limitations. When your mind is moving too quickly, you can easily lose sight of this fact. Rather than remembering that children often learn through conflict and having compassion for how difficult it must be to be in so much conflict, you'll overreact and accuse your child of being "too angry" or "too frustrated." When your mind slows down, when you're in healthy psychological functioning, it's easy to stay compassionate. Your perspective is larger. You remember your own childhood and how frustrating it sometimes was. Your heart stays open, even in the midst of chaos, which sets as good an example as is possible. This, in turn, helps your children trust that you are there for them, even during those times when they are acting a little crazy. In the long run, they'll love you for it.

One of the major problems associated with a busy mind during the parenting years is that a speeded-up mind - a mind that takes its thoughts too seriously - often expects too much from other people, particularly children. When you expect too much from your children, they feel it, either directly or intuitively. They feel unappreciated, as if they aren't good enough, an experience that often results in low self-esteem and even deviant behavior. 

When you slow down to the speed of life, you'll immediately notice how much more tolerance you have for your children and how much more accepting you become. You'll expect less and appreciate more. 

You'll still encourage your children to be their very best, but you worst demand that they be better than they are to earn your love. The result will be that your children will feel more loved and respected, which will increase their feelings of self-worth. 

*See the Acknowledgement and Links page for the references.